We have had an amazing few weeks in this house! God's goodness has left me dumbfounded! There have been numerous "big" things that have happened the past few weeks. We live a pretty simple life, one that I am very grateful for and blessed by everyday. But since we've gotten married (8 1/2 years ago) quite honestly, it's felt like we we've been treading water. Like I said, I'm very grateful that our head as stayed above, but it's been hard and exhausting and a struggle in many areas. Somehow, everything has happened at once, and it's like all the little ducks are getting in a row. Is it possible? I still don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that these past few weeks we've experienced God, and even if one or all these things fall through, and we have to keep treading away, my faith has been deepened because of the journey.
Just the other day my husband looked at me and said, "I can't believe you haven't been writing and blogging about the amazing things God has been doing." I responded and simply said, "I don't have the words yet." I'm still not convinced that I do, and I'm sure this is all a jumbled mess of thoughts, but it has truly left me speechless. (Not an easy accomplishment.) I've been blown away at how God has opened doors and opened hearts. I feel a deep privileged to have a front row seat to something AMAZING!!
For the first time in a long time I open my Bible not out of a feeling that I need to or should, but because I have the deep desire to. I WANT to. God has met me at this place, and has placed people and verses in each day that leave me NO CHOICE but to stand in awe of His glory! With all this being said, I've had a severe increase awareness of darkness as well. As I look back, I can say that the times I've felt the closest to God I've also been acutely aware of evil. It's like standing right under the light makes the darkness seem darker. I feel like I can't shake it. It's everywhere. The world. Our country. Our city. My neighborhood. My home. My heart. On all different kinds of levels there's a raging war. It's easy to feel discouraged and defeated. I have to admit while I've been on a so called "spiritual high" these past few weeks, it's come with some deep depressing moments. I have to fight extra hard in these moments to focus on what I know to be true. I have to reign my emotions back in and focus straight ahead.
We're still treading water remember? And, I don't know what the future holds. But, somehow these past few weeks, I feel like God's pointed us in a certain direction. We're now treading with purpose. I'd love to hop on the next boat and high tail it over there, but it very well may be a constant tread towards to goal. I can be confident we wont sink because God is for me. Who can be against me?
Like I said, "Jumbled Mess"! I know I didn't provide any details, but God's still not letting us in on all the details yet. All I know is, God is good! He's not good because of my circumstances, He's good many times in spite of them! Thank goodness His goodness is not a reflection on my happiness! He is big. He is gracious. And, He has a purpose for my life that I can be assured He will fulfill. ALL PRAISE BE TO GOD!
