Recently a certain celebrity couple divorced and it's still making headlines. We live in a world where for whatever reason we find it fascinating to read about what kind of shampoo a movie star uses, so it's not surprising that their mangled shredded marriage is entertaining. I'm not going to actually call out any names. I'm sure they're both really nice people who love their daughter very much. I don't know them personally, and wont make any judgement calls like I do; however I am increasingly troubled that this women is being crowned a hero in the public's eyes. REALLY? A hero?
Huge reality check for me. We look at this women who "took down" one of the most well-known, wealthy movie stars there is. She blind-sighted him with a divorce, and somehow took primary custody of their kid with very little drama. She must have it all together right? Guess what? Being a feminists hero doesn't keep you warm at night. It doesn't hold your hand through mall or give you a hug after a bad day. Do you think she feels like a hero?....(I don't know maybe she does.) But chances are she's lonely. Chances are there's a huge gaping hole in her life. Chances are, there's a little girl who will grow up in a broken home. Who knows how that might affect her in the future. A Hero? Not mine.
Our culture is teaching us that the pursuit of happiness is ones goal in life. If your not happy anymore why stay married to someone right? That's a legit reason right? After all, I'm supposed to be happy in life. I have news for you: If Jesus pursued his own personal happiness do you think he would have died on the cross for you? Do you think in the moments leading up to his last breath his happiness kept him there? No, His love did. His love for us is so strong, deep, and untainted that he stayed. We've been called to be like Him.
When the seasons come (and have come) when my marriage feels like its surviving instead of thriving, I don't want a hero that has out-played and out-witted her husband into giving up. I want a hero that chose to overcome the lack of happiness in the moment for the greater good. To choose to love someone else instead of myself.
We are about to celebrate 8 years of marriage. This by no means makes me any kind of expert, but I'm also not brand new at it. We've lived in three different states and have three children. A lot of life has taken place and it's not always magazine cover good (like mostly never), but that's okay. I'm one imperfect person married to another one. Then we decided to take our imperfectness and create other little raw imperfect people. Our house is full of all kinds of hurt and joy, but we are all experiencing it together.
As my parents celebrate 30 years of marriage this year (we have the same anniversary). It makes me think about what kind of marriage do I want my children to see? What kind of marriage do I want them to have? Of course I want them to be happy, but my prayer is that they will pursue holiness first.
In this country we may have the right to the pursuit of happiness, but that doesn't always mean we should take it.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Another Birthday....Another Birth Story
My son turns 2 today. I only found it fitting to share his birth story as well (you can read about my daughter's here: http://3kidsnohairandfullheart.blogspot.com/2012/06/today-i-have-four-year-old.html). At least now I will have it written down somewhere....as you can imagine, I'm not the best with "baby books". Also, his was by far the most traumatic emotionally scaring delivery that still sends shivers up and down my spine every time I think about it.
Due to the fact that my daughter's shoulders got stuck and she was only 7lbs 10oz, my doctor and I decided it would be best to make sure this baby didn't get any bigger than that. I was to be induced 4 days before my due date with the hope that the baby would be small enough to slip out (Okay, that was my hope and not necessarily my doctors!) By the way, I'm assuming by this point I have scared away all male readers from this blog. If you are a guy and are still reading: Bless you!! Anyway, since I'm not one of those lucky people that have a perfectly healthy baby come naturally two weeks early, we went through with the induction. We had to wait an hour in the waiting room and I just so happened to be sitting next to a lady awaiting the arrival of her grandson. She then proceeded to tell me that her daughter had been in labor for the last day and half! I so badly wanted to say, "HELLO? Are you crazy lady? Do you not see that I'm getting ready to this too?" Needless to say, I was mildly freaking out by now. I was not in good shape after the delivery of my first and very much wanted to be done with this part.
We finally got a room, and they started everything right away. My doctor showed up and broke my water before I even had an IV. Even though joked with my doctor about wanting a baby by noon, I was expecting this take a while and the process to be slow. I also, knew this baby had been knocking on the front door for a while now and I could be surprised. The contractions quickly got more intense. Every time my nurse came into the room she suggested a different position or walking or rocking in the chair. Somehow, I made it along until the next time she would come in and I did something else. In between contractions I felt pretty good. Then it happened....I felt pressure. I was smart enough to know that the epidural probably wasn't an option at this point. My nurse helped me back into the bed and that was the beginning of the worst 45 minutes of my life! (Yes, I am being a bit dramatic, but if you did it you would be too!) I didn't open my eyes the whole time. Despite my husband vigorously rubbing my arms, both of them had gone completely numb. I couldn't move my arms or fingers. This is when I realized that my body was shutting down from the pain.....I was sure I was going to die. (Again dramatic but true.) I had to push and my doctor wasn't there yet. Thankfully this hospital has it's own midwife, and she had found her way to my room. She was ready to deliver the baby if needed. Two seconds later my doctor rushed into the room just in time for one push and baby was out! At 2:42 I delivered a 6lbs 9oz baby boy with no complications. (Aside from the near death experience.) The midwife was shaking me and telling me to open my eyes and it was all over. My husband immediately announced that was the most awesome experience ever, and got one dirty look from me. As close as I had been to death, just like that I was back. After a few seconds I stopped thinking about me an realized I hadn't heard the baby cry at all. I asked if he was okay and a nurse looked over her shoulder and informed me he was fine, but he was the most stunned baby she had every seen.
Still "stunned" my son cried for the first 3 hours of his life straight. I was starting to get a little worried that this could be some glimpse into his personality, but the nurse assured me that this is one of the things you see with a "non-drugged" baby. Sure enough he managed to settle down enough to meet his big sister later and my mom. He was such a cute little baby. I don't know if I've ever seen a baby look so much like a man before! He had skin all wrinkled up that needed to be grown into, and a little receding hairline on the sides.
He's not a baby anymore! It's sad and exciting to think about how much he's changed in just one year, and how much he will change in the next year to come. He's added so much life to our home.
He has two speeds: Running and Sleeping.
He loves anything that has to do with sports and teasing his older sister by taking her things.
He is extremely curious as to how things work and is always trying to figure it out.
He's not much of a talker, but communicates all the important stuff.
He loves being a big brother too. I can see him and my youngest being really close when they get older.
He loves his daddy and pretends to do everything just like him.
He's our early riser and good eater.
In our house he's known as "Big Man" and we're so glad God added him to our family.
I can't wait to see all the trouble he's going to get into in the future. (I can see many stitches and a few broken bones in store for us.)
Being a mother to two was soooo different, but in a good way. I remember feeling like it wasn't easier but it felt more natural. A kid for every parent. A child on each knee. It fit well. Then a mere 5 months later we found out it was all going to change.........again.........
Due to the fact that my daughter's shoulders got stuck and she was only 7lbs 10oz, my doctor and I decided it would be best to make sure this baby didn't get any bigger than that. I was to be induced 4 days before my due date with the hope that the baby would be small enough to slip out (Okay, that was my hope and not necessarily my doctors!) By the way, I'm assuming by this point I have scared away all male readers from this blog. If you are a guy and are still reading: Bless you!! Anyway, since I'm not one of those lucky people that have a perfectly healthy baby come naturally two weeks early, we went through with the induction. We had to wait an hour in the waiting room and I just so happened to be sitting next to a lady awaiting the arrival of her grandson. She then proceeded to tell me that her daughter had been in labor for the last day and half! I so badly wanted to say, "HELLO? Are you crazy lady? Do you not see that I'm getting ready to this too?" Needless to say, I was mildly freaking out by now. I was not in good shape after the delivery of my first and very much wanted to be done with this part.
We finally got a room, and they started everything right away. My doctor showed up and broke my water before I even had an IV. Even though joked with my doctor about wanting a baby by noon, I was expecting this take a while and the process to be slow. I also, knew this baby had been knocking on the front door for a while now and I could be surprised. The contractions quickly got more intense. Every time my nurse came into the room she suggested a different position or walking or rocking in the chair. Somehow, I made it along until the next time she would come in and I did something else. In between contractions I felt pretty good. Then it happened....I felt pressure. I was smart enough to know that the epidural probably wasn't an option at this point. My nurse helped me back into the bed and that was the beginning of the worst 45 minutes of my life! (Yes, I am being a bit dramatic, but if you did it you would be too!) I didn't open my eyes the whole time. Despite my husband vigorously rubbing my arms, both of them had gone completely numb. I couldn't move my arms or fingers. This is when I realized that my body was shutting down from the pain.....I was sure I was going to die. (Again dramatic but true.) I had to push and my doctor wasn't there yet. Thankfully this hospital has it's own midwife, and she had found her way to my room. She was ready to deliver the baby if needed. Two seconds later my doctor rushed into the room just in time for one push and baby was out! At 2:42 I delivered a 6lbs 9oz baby boy with no complications. (Aside from the near death experience.) The midwife was shaking me and telling me to open my eyes and it was all over. My husband immediately announced that was the most awesome experience ever, and got one dirty look from me. As close as I had been to death, just like that I was back. After a few seconds I stopped thinking about me an realized I hadn't heard the baby cry at all. I asked if he was okay and a nurse looked over her shoulder and informed me he was fine, but he was the most stunned baby she had every seen.
Still "stunned" my son cried for the first 3 hours of his life straight. I was starting to get a little worried that this could be some glimpse into his personality, but the nurse assured me that this is one of the things you see with a "non-drugged" baby. Sure enough he managed to settle down enough to meet his big sister later and my mom. He was such a cute little baby. I don't know if I've ever seen a baby look so much like a man before! He had skin all wrinkled up that needed to be grown into, and a little receding hairline on the sides.
He's not a baby anymore! It's sad and exciting to think about how much he's changed in just one year, and how much he will change in the next year to come. He's added so much life to our home.
He has two speeds: Running and Sleeping.
He loves anything that has to do with sports and teasing his older sister by taking her things.
He is extremely curious as to how things work and is always trying to figure it out.
He's not much of a talker, but communicates all the important stuff.
He loves being a big brother too. I can see him and my youngest being really close when they get older.
He loves his daddy and pretends to do everything just like him.
He's our early riser and good eater.
In our house he's known as "Big Man" and we're so glad God added him to our family.
I can't wait to see all the trouble he's going to get into in the future. (I can see many stitches and a few broken bones in store for us.)
Being a mother to two was soooo different, but in a good way. I remember feeling like it wasn't easier but it felt more natural. A kid for every parent. A child on each knee. It fit well. Then a mere 5 months later we found out it was all going to change.........again.........
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