Dear Daughter,
Today we had a battle. A knock down, drag out battle of the wills. It all started when you tried to explain something to your brother and he wasn't understanding. As your anger escalated and I stepped in, things got worse and worse. After an hour that included three spankings (for physically hurting your brother and myself) and filling 3 garbage bags full of your favorite toys, I had to leave you. It broke my heart, but I had to leave you screaming to yourself for over another hour. When I say screaming, I don't just mean crying, I mean screaming words. Hurtful words at the top of your lungs. Things you knew would hurt me. And they did.
I removed myself, left you in your room, and took a shower and gave a bath to your brother and sister and somehow prayed constantly through it all, that you would calm down and see the error of your ways. I prayed for the immediate behavior change, but also for a heart change. You see, right now you are my responsibility. You are such a challenge. You are full of so much potential. You are smart and funny and even though this morning didn't resemble it, you have a deep sense of right and wrong. But, like this morning you can get to the point that you don't care your doing wrong. Your wants become more important than doing right, and are even more important than the consequences that you will surely have to endure. All the spunk and smarts you bring to life, you also bring these battles. I'll give it to you. You battle hard and good and long.
After over an hour of distance I entered your room. You were finally calm enough to talk and not shout or argue. We talked through everything, went over appropriate Bible verses about your behavior, and you apologized for everything you did (it was a long list). We hugged and you bounced up and ran off to play. I however, have been totally emotionally drained all day. You took it out of me this morning! You see, your behavior can thrust me unwilling and totally unprepared into these battles. If nothing else, here's what I want you to know: I love you too much to give in!
Oh, how I love you! I love how spunky you are and how you say things that leave me no choice but to crackup laughing. I love your compassion for others and how perceptive you are of people and situations. These things will serve you well in life. But, holy cow can you get angry! This anger can trigger all kinds of other bad things. I love you too much to watch this anger destroy all the good things in you.
I want you to know that no matter what kind of day you and I have with each other, at night before I go to bed I check on you. I pick your leg up and tuck it back under the covers and I make sure your special blanket is within reach next to you. I brush the hair out of your face and in those moments feel a love so strong it hurts. My heart aches for you to grab life by the reigns and go for it. I stay a moment and say a prayer that always ends with, "Help her to love you with all of her heart." You see, it's really just that simple. No matter what your struggles are, because they will change as you do, and no matter how hard life gets, because it will get harder than you can ever imagine, if you love God with everything you've got, then my sweet girl, you've got something that's priceless that no one can ever take from you. And while I know you have the capability of running a huge company, or starting a fantastic business, or even being the President, this is what I really want for you.
I love you,
Mom
P.S. I was completely unprepared for you at 4 1/2 to fight with me like a teenager. Let's iron out these kinks now so each year gets better and better.
