Recently a certain celebrity couple divorced and it's still making headlines. We live in a world where for whatever reason we find it fascinating to read about what kind of shampoo a movie star uses, so it's not surprising that their mangled shredded marriage is entertaining. I'm not going to actually call out any names. I'm sure they're both really nice people who love their daughter very much. I don't know them personally, and wont make any judgement calls like I do; however I am increasingly troubled that this women is being crowned a hero in the public's eyes. REALLY? A hero?
Huge reality check for me. We look at this women who "took down" one of the most well-known, wealthy movie stars there is. She blind-sighted him with a divorce, and somehow took primary custody of their kid with very little drama. She must have it all together right? Guess what? Being a feminists hero doesn't keep you warm at night. It doesn't hold your hand through mall or give you a hug after a bad day. Do you think she feels like a hero?....(I don't know maybe she does.) But chances are she's lonely. Chances are there's a huge gaping hole in her life. Chances are, there's a little girl who will grow up in a broken home. Who knows how that might affect her in the future. A Hero? Not mine.
Our culture is teaching us that the pursuit of happiness is ones goal in life. If your not happy anymore why stay married to someone right? That's a legit reason right? After all, I'm supposed to be happy in life. I have news for you: If Jesus pursued his own personal happiness do you think he would have died on the cross for you? Do you think in the moments leading up to his last breath his happiness kept him there? No, His love did. His love for us is so strong, deep, and untainted that he stayed. We've been called to be like Him.
When the seasons come (and have come) when my marriage feels like its surviving instead of thriving, I don't want a hero that has out-played and out-witted her husband into giving up. I want a hero that chose to overcome the lack of happiness in the moment for the greater good. To choose to love someone else instead of myself.
We are about to celebrate 8 years of marriage. This by no means makes me any kind of expert, but I'm also not brand new at it. We've lived in three different states and have three children. A lot of life has taken place and it's not always magazine cover good (like mostly never), but that's okay. I'm one imperfect person married to another one. Then we decided to take our imperfectness and create other little raw imperfect people. Our house is full of all kinds of hurt and joy, but we are all experiencing it together.
As my parents celebrate 30 years of marriage this year (we have the same anniversary). It makes me think about what kind of marriage do I want my children to see? What kind of marriage do I want them to have? Of course I want them to be happy, but my prayer is that they will pursue holiness first.
In this country we may have the right to the pursuit of happiness, but that doesn't always mean we should take it.
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