Balancing the "Mommy guilt"

Apparently I have severely underestimated my ability to carve out 30 minutes a week to write on this blog. I'm going to go ahead and blame the baby for teething with a double ear infection, the toddler for transitioning into a "big boy" bead, and the 4 year old birthday party in less than 2 weeks. This would explain why I've been slipping into a coma-like state come 8:30pm every night.

Tonight I was determined to grab a snack and settle down to start typing. What I realized when I sat down was that it was driven by a certain kind of "Mommy guilt". Not the normal: "I don't provide organic snacks and perfectly educationally stimulating activities for my children every day" guilt, but the reverse kind. The "you need to take care of yourself" kind. Lately I've been getting hit from both sides. Do more for my family and home? or do more for me?

Sure I could stay up late every night making homemade fresh organic goodies for the next day, but my marriage would start to suffer and surely my sanity wouldn't be far behind. It's so easy to log into Pinterest and start pinning away all the good intentions in my head. Every closet organized with a purpose and perfect functionality, my children's rooms magazine perfect, the garden, the craft corner, the laundry room, even a better "junk" drawer. It always starts out innocent enough. When I have time for one of these projects I'll know where to find it now. But, all to fast it turns into discontentment, or discouragement, or "mommy guilt". Why doesn't my house look like my pin boards? What's wrong with me that I can't find time to glue gun, modge podge, cut, crinkle, bake, cook, and create my way to a better home? (I have three answers, and they're all sleeping upstairs.)

In my not so strong moments, yes, I think these things. I feel the guilt. Am I letting my family down by not providing such an environment? Then there's the other kind of guilt. "Why don't you have a hobby?" I ask myself this a lot. Well, most hobbies take time. This is something I really don't have much of and to be quite honest, when I do get it I would choose sleep over scrapbooking any day. This can't be healthy right? Many articles and other blog posts have been focusing on the importance of taking time for yourself. After all, if you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of others. Right? Or is this some notion to hide behind? Is there something wrong with sacrifice?

I'm having a crazy time balancing it all. Pour myself into my family and home. Pour myself into myself. I believe I just struck the key word. BALANCE! This is where I am. I want the best for my family and will provide it to the best of my ability. To reach that ability it also means I have to do some things for myself. (Does this mean I need a pedicure every few weeks? I think not....Another post for another time.) At the end of the day while I'm laying in that coma-like state....I have to remind myself that I'm the very mom my kids need. And my kids are very kids that I need. My husband is my partner and I need him. I'll do what I can to make my home a homey welcoming place to open to friends and for my children to enjoy and remember, but I wont sacrifice reading books and building forts to get it. I'm done feeling guilty for giving my kids goldfish and not having pictures up on my bedroom walls. After all, I have three little kids and sometimes that's just hard....and I'm okay with that.

Now I have couch calling my name.