There are so many moments I'm not proud of. This morning was one of them. Today (like most days around here) we didn't have anything planned. I announced I was taking a shower and the younger two come running to me patting their own chests indicating they wanted to get int he bath tub. Sometimes I stick them in the big tub in my bathroom while I shower. They love to play, I get them clean, and it frees up more daddy time in the evening. With nothing on the calendar, I agree. They start jumping up and down and run upstairs, tear their clothes off, and jump in. Everything was going well until for some reason we ran out of hot water. By the time I quickly finished myself up, the baby and my four year old were shivering and complaining. (My son didn't care at all....just like a boy!) I wrapped them up in towels and went to get warm clothes. Did the whining and complaining stop?.....NOPE! My daughter went on and on and on about how cold she was, how sticky she was, how wet her hair was......I. Got. Huffy. I started rambling off all the reasons why we need to have good hygiene, and all the reasons I could think off that she needed to be thankful that she had running water at all even if it wasn't hot. Sometime after going into detail about kids in Africa (Yep. I know I lost her!) I stopped long enough to realize I had gone overboard. A few seconds later as I threw my make-up on (an accurate description on how it's applied), ashamed I said to myself, "Sure glad no one saw that!" I then stopped and starred at myself in the mirror as I pictured God saying, "Hello? Maggie? Did you forget? I saw."
He does. He sees all. Every impatient word snapped, every huffy tone, every eye roll, every "What were you thinking" look, every stupid disagreement with my husband. He sees. He knows when my heart isn't right even when my actions are. He knows how much of a sinner I truly am. It's as if I live in a glass house. And yet, He loves me anyway. Mind Blown! In those moments I don't even love myself....He does! That's all it took for me to go hunt down my daughter get down on her level and apologize for my impatience and ask for forgiveness. A big smile came across her face, and she said, "Sure Mommy." and gave me a hug.
Oh, how I wish I could remind myself of this on an hourly basis. God sees. God cares. God loves. It takes me back to middle school when the "What Would Jesus Do?" campaign took off. I need a "God's Watching You" campaign. Sounds a little creepy but what a good reminder. While I'm still very thankful my house is not made of actual glass, and there are no cameras, I pray I become more mindful that God is watching me. To pretend, if you will, I do live a glass house. He sees me at my worst, in my lowest moments (and of course all the good) and yet extends grace and love. Praise God!
** Side note: A few hours later, my daughter sat at the lunch table and said in a sweet voice, "Mommy, I'm really sorry for dumping the chocolate chips. Will you forgive me?" After forgiveness was given for her previous indiscretion she smiled and added, "I love you." Wow! Is it possible she appreciated the sincere apology she had received from me earlier, that she was moved to apologize herself on her own? Is it possible I just had a quick glimpse at how my children learn from my example? How cool is God?**
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