I Say "No", Because I Love You.

We've tried really hard to set a precedent in our home that the kids receive the toys and special things they want for their birthdays, Christmas, or a special occasion, and not every time we go to the store. Even with this being the general expectation of our home, our 4 year old has decided to test the waters recently. She's smart too. She thinks she has more of chance with a cheaper item, so the dollar bins at target has become a breading ground for whining and bargaining. In fact, just the other day we went to Walmart to pick up some pacifiers for her younger brother (we lost a few traveling), and she tried to tell us how its not fair that her younger brother gets something and she didn't. She also had that little item already picked out that would quickly right the wrong that was being done to her!

These are hard but very important moments for us to stand our ground and explain that we know what's best for her. My grandfather was known for saying. "The biggest mistake GOOD parents make is giving their kids TOO MUCH." I'm confident that saying "No" will help her grow into the person I want her to become. A person who can hear disappointment and still cope, a person who can trust that her parents can see a big picture that she may not. I love her too much to let her get everything she wants. I even explain to her that there are things that I want that I can't have. She'll be dealing with this her whole life. Better learned young. You see, right now it's the trinket from the dollar bin, but down the road it'll be a sleep over that I don't feel comfortable with, or riding in a car with boys, or going to a party that has alcohol. In these moments, when I say no because i love her and know what's best for her, I want her to be confident that her parents see something she doesn't. Just like time she begged hard for a toy and forgot about it within 3 seconds of walking out the store. 

I'm the parent. I call the shots. I know that hearing "No" develops character. It helps her get to know herself better and what she really wants. If that toy isn't forgot about within 3 seconds of leaving the store, and we keep hearing about it, we tell her that if she really wants it she can wait for her birthday or Christmas. This also makes her appreciate it that much more because she had been waiting for it.

It does get me to thinking: How many times do I play this game with God? How many times have come to him with requests that seem so important to me, life-changing even? And, God in his infinite wisdom looks down on me and says, "Not right now. Not this time. Put it back on the shelf." There have even been times where I shamefully have thrown a fit whining and pouting about this answer. 

Please let my husband get a raise. 

Take this cancer away. 

Help this person see where I'm coming from. 

How could these things be wrong or bad? I don't know. 

But I do know that God stands over me just like I stand over my 4 year old and knows better. He knows that if I have to wait for something that I really want it could help develop me into a better person. A person HE wants me to be. It could help me learn patience, gratitude, thankfulness, or contentment. Looking back on my life a lot of things I thought were so big at the time, really were quite small. Is it possible that God knew the mountain was really an ant hill? It's not only possible its very probable! He knows and He loves me, and sometimes the answer is "Yes. Let's do this!" But, so often I fold my arms in protest and hang my head and pout all the way through the store because God said "No" to the dollar bin junk at the beginning. Sometimes it's because there's something so much better in store....something I didn't even know I wanted, but something I'll cherish forever (like a child). 

Good reminder: Sometimes "No." is code for "I love you."